Theme Park at its Darkest

“The cut worm forgives the plow.”

– William Blake,

Proverbs of Hell.

I received an email today from Lance Williams, so-called ‘Head of Fitness’ at Goodlife gyms, Australia-wide. I met Williams when Goodlife took over Armadale, four years ago.

Lance is exactly the kind of paunchy, soft-bodied haematophage I was complaining about. ‘Head of Fitness?’ I doubt he could run to catch the bus. He reminds me of a younger, cleanly-shaven Ricky Gervais from the English version of The Office, complete with floppy hair and liters of oil.

His letter, titled ‘Discontinuance of Your Personal Training Arrangements’ means that Goodlife have retracted their rancid little claws; they are no longer pursuing the $2400 they say I owe them for terminating my contract early.

The rest of his letter is comprised of the usual bland garbage about ‘regretting that I have moved on’ and that ‘Goodlife take complaints and criticism seriously as they wish to provide a positive environment for staff and customers alike,’ blah blah blah.

To be frank, I think he’d knocked it up with copy and paste (the formatting was all over the place and some words were missing letters).

Make no mistake; I do not post this for the purpose of grandstanding. Firstly, it’s proof that when push comes to shove, Goodlife will curl up and die. If everybody stands together, there will be no more working for free. And rental payments will ensure safe environments and functional equipment.

You will notice this post is entitled, First Blood. As Mr Schwarzenegger once said, ‘If it bleeds, we can kill it.’

This entry was posted on June 4, 2015 at 6:39 am and is filed under Goodlife, Journalism, Observation, Statement of intention with tags Armadale, Arnold Schwarzenegger, blood, david Brent, Goodlife, Head of Fitness, Lance Williams, Personal Training, Predator, Ricky Gervais, Samurai, The Office. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.