Theme Park at its Darkest

I have been opposed to using Tinder. The idea of accepting or rejecting people on the basis of their appearance seems to me (as a person aging away from the intersection of technology and culture) to be an ugly, depersonalizing, objectifying practice.

Then, of course, I found myself at home for whatever-night-in-a-row with Jane Austen, Chester Himes and Haruki Murakami and, good as they are, two of them are dead, one is Japanese and none of them are going to fuck me. Say what you like about casual sex; there is no better way to stave of the chill of existential angst.

I had considerable success with RSVP. In fact, I quite liked it. I liked the idea of getting to know people on the basis of shared interests in conjunction with their physical appeal. I also found that the epistolary format suited me very well for early skirmishes.

I noticed when I downloaded Tinder that you can, in fact, write a little profile note at the bottom of the page, which made me feel a bit better about it. I also noticed that a lot could be surmised from the photos. It is to these things my post applies.

Presented in no particular order:

1. More than one person in a photo is a turn-off

Why in the hell does any profile photo contain more than one person? It suggests we won’t like you on your own, in addition to confusing us as to who it is we are applying to.

2. Animals in the photo are a sign of psychosis

Photos of chicks holding up their cats are always spoken of in male-only circles as the single strongest indication of psychological malaise. Do not do this at any cost.

3. Sunglasses / hats / half a face

Either you believe we won’t like your face if we see it, or you have something to hide. People are inclined to believe what you tell them verbally; when such information is implied, we believe it absolutely.

4. Skolling alcohol

If you post a photo doing yoga, you like yoga. A photo in front of the Eiffel Tower, you like traveling. A pint glass with a heady amber tide pouring into your trap: you’re an alcoholic. It’s that simple.

5. Out of focus

You’re lazy and don’t really care. In which case, why should we?

6. No profile blurb

Profiles are conspicuously short and, from what I understand, few people will read them. However, if a man posts a photo without a profile, it implies that he is only looking for sex. When a woman does so, it implies that she doesn’t care. At this early stage, you need to care. Or we won’t.

7. ‘If you’re looking for something casual, swipe to the left’ or some such dismissive nonsense.

Come on – it’s Tinder. The name is synonymous for largely pointless, repercussion-less ‘hook ups’. This may be my personal feeling, but I can’t decide if I want something casual or permanent until I have met you in person at least once. In the interim, we are all on here for fun. Even distraction, as its most potent, is entertaining.

The other thing is that getting to know people requires vulnerability, which is, paradoxically, the greatest test of strength. If you don’t have the courage to take someone at face value, you’re not that attractive. Everything should be casual until you have met at least once. Otherwise, you’re not looking for any man in particular. You’re actually looking for a beast of burden to be yoked to your insecurities / baggage train / life plan.

I think I underestimated Tinder. In a magazine format, you’re dealing with what Naomi Woolf, John Berger or Germaine Greer would identify as a hermetically sealed territory in which discourses are deployed to oppress / dehumanize / control / exploit. But Tinder isn’t sealed in that way. People can still get their hats, sun glasses, alcoholic beverages, cats, dogs, horses and friends in there, and to that end, they tend to give themselves away.

Slightly out of focus, but a good example nonetheless.

This entry was posted on September 20, 2014 at 8:44 am and is filed under Observation, Pretensions toward cultural theory, Ridiculous curiosity with tags Chester Himes, Germaine Greer, Haruki Murakami, Jane Austen, John Berger, Naomi Woolf, RSVP, Tinder. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.